For Lack of a Better Title

Almost a year ago I posted here about how I no longer knew who I was anymore. I have been working on that, and have made some great steps forward in my journey. I look back at my life, and I miss who I was and really dislike who I've become. In my school years I was picked on, which caused me to be really introverted, quiet and shy. And I hated it!!! I knew that I had this really fun and friendly person just dying to get out and live. So, when I graduated and headed off to Bible college I decided to do just that! I was outgoing and friendly. I viewed everybody as a friend to be had and had a lot!! Some really good ones too!! Then, I got married and we moved to a new city where I knew 3 people. So, we did what seemed logical. We found a church that had a moms group. I put myself out there and I was stabbed in the back. And I almost instantaneously reverted back to School days Cindi. And for the last I have lived feeling like I wasn't a whole person; like I didn't have anything of real worth to contribute; like getting to know me, who I really am, wasn't worth anyone's effort, or the effort for me to let them. I've made friends, but haven't completely invested myself because, really, what did I have to invest. I've joined groups, but hung back because who really wants to know what I think or feel. I realized last week at the registration morning for the MOMS group that I attend that I really miss me. I'm a pretty amazing person if I'm willing to let myself be. I have a lot to offer the people in my life. On my floor at Bible college I was given the common sense award because I had answers. I had friends who would come to me for advice and they took it to heart and appreciated me for it. Things just make sense to me. I am a good problem solver. I am intuitive. I am wise. I can see into a situation and see the best, though not always easiest, way out. Believe it or not, I am an extrovert! I love being around people. I love interacting with people. I love to joke and laugh and shoot the breeze. Do I talk about my kids a lot? Yes. But at this point in my life, they are my life. And that's ok. I've been working on developing me and things that edify me. The past year has been hard as I have cut out some damaging relationships from my life. It has been a year of growth and discovery. I remember being taught that I need to be the friend I want to have. On the other side of that, I need to have the friends I want to have to. If I am made to feel inferior(by some one other than myself), that is not a relationship that I should be cultivating. I examined a lot of friendships. Some survived and some didn't. All have changed, and will be changing more. I am done denying myself. I am a person of worth. And the world deserves to know me! And I need to allow myself to be the person who I love. I have value. I have more to offer than what I have been and I owe it to me and to you to dole it out without abandon. So those of you who have just gotten to know me in the last year or two may be surprised next time you see me. And the time after. And the time after. And those of you who used to know me may be surprised(and hopefully happy) to become reacquainted with the Cindi who has been missing lately. You can be anything you want when you grow up, and I choose to be me!!!!(WOW!! Was that ever lame!!!)